Is God a God of chance or certainty?

This article came to mind as I was in Las Vegas the earlier part of August. I am reminded of Christians who say, “good luck”, “cross your fingers”, “knock on wood” and then there are the superstitions such as “your palms itching” leads you to believe that a financial blessing is coming your way. 

All of these wives tales and premises are faulty:

• If you believe in a God who is all knowing, all powerful, and is everywhere.
• If you believe that God has created all things.   
• If you believe that God seeks those things that have already happened because He knows the end before we experience one moment of the journey.

Some are asking what do the above have to do with gambling or to with God being a God of chance? Well I have the answer. Nothing God has ever done has been based upon or done by chance. So if He’s a God of certainty can or should Christian’s walk around saying things like “good luck”? The truth to the answer is we shouldn’t. In order to truly have a sound relationship with God you must believe that He is exactly who He says He is. You must believe that all of His promises are yea and amen through Christ Jesus.  If He’s not this God of certainty then we might as well as toss the bible aside, because anything that is based on uncertainty is something that simply can’t be trusted. You would have to dismiss the following promises:

• Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thy own understanding and He will direct your path. Is that a promise or something you cross your fingers hoping it will happen?
• If you delight in the Lord He will give you the desires of your heart. If you commit your ways and trust Him He shall bring it to pass.
• I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
• Eyes have not seen neither have ears heard what God has prepared for those who love Him.
• Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all your basic needs will be met.
If you are careful to do all that His word, statues, and commandments require then you shall be blessed in all that you do.

Be anxious for nothing but through supplication and prayer with thanksgiving let your requests be made none unto God and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind through Chris t Jesus.
• If we believe in the God of scriptures then we know that God will not allow anything to happen to you that He has not ordained or allowed.
• If we believe in the God of the scriptures then we stand firmly on our reality that Greater is He that is in me than He who is in the world.
• If we believe in the God of the scriptures then we know that God sits high and looks low and guards the hearts and mind of those who love and trust Him.

Certainly if we are to base our life on the principles in the bible and trust it as truth then surely our lives are filled with confidence. Like Paul we are fully assured that God is not a man that He should lie no the son of man that He should repent. We know that we’re reminded that our faith is based on what we can’t see yet it stands mightily on what our heart believes. For example I can’t see the wind when it blows but I can definitely see the path that it has trail blazed. So is the Spirit of God in our lives. We may not be able to see it in the natural but we can see all that has been laid out for us to see and feel in our spirit.

Examples:

• Even though life has thrown you what you believe is a curve ball there’s a small quietness in you that assures you everything is going to be alright. You can’t see it but you know it’s there.

• A loved one passes and through your grief you’re assured that God doesn’t make any mistakes and that especially if saved – absent from the body at home with the Lord and you will see them again.

• You lose your job and bills are due. You are affirmed that God has promised that He will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.

• Your enemies try to do you harm. You are confident that no weapon formed against you will prosper. You are equally confident that God has said, “touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm.” Then on top of that you stand on this resounding promise – when a woman’s/man’s ways please God He will make them at peace with their enemies.

• When you think you have absolutely no strength to go on a sudden burst of strength is infused throughout your body.

 These are mere examples you add your own to the list. When all these above experiences are manifested they didn’t happen by chance, by the luck of the draw, or by osmosis, but they happened because God is a God of certainty.

So we know that while we may play a game of chance God has nothing to do with it.

Is your child being bullied or bullying?

I wanted to end August edition of articles by dealing with this topic that many parents face whether they want to face it or not. Last Thursday, while dining at Stockdale’s Fine Dining, one of the owners Lynn, my girlfriend Ellen Nash and I had occasion to discuss challenges children in our charge either were experiencing or had experienced in the past on this issue of being bullied or having a child who actually did the bullying. One of the most common consensus that came about our conversation was the fact that each of us intervened on behalf of our children or those in our charge so that each child could enjoy school without the fear of being bullied or other children being bullied by our charge.

There are so many stories that come to mind for me as I’ve dealt with the life of my niece. Starting in the 4^th grade my niece was blessed to have an aunt and a set of grandparents who went out of their way to ensure that her lunches were always inviting and interesting, especially since school lunches are not as tasty as they were when we were young. There was this one really big girl who would daily sit next to my niece and make her feel uncomfortable as she ate her lunch, forcing my niece to offer her some of her lunch in order to get the girl to leave her alone. Upon my niece sharing that story with me I approached the young girl and the conversation went something like this:

“Hey Alicia, Briana tells me you seem to like what she brings to school for lunch.” The child was hesitate, even a little worried. It was amazing to see her disposition change after I continued. “Well Alicia I’ll make a deal with you. If you leave Briana alone in peace during lunch time I promise to send you a surprise every Friday, deal?” The young girl grinned from ear to ear and stated, “agreed.” Every Friday that little girl waited with baited breath to see what her surprise was. Like clockwork we sent special things for her every Friday. Briana and Alicia became better acquaintances.  I’d even take a stab and say they became friendly. Someone right now is having a problem with this and is saying something like: “I would have just told that child to leave my child alone and would have told the principal and even the parent to make the child stop.” Sure that’s one way to handle it.

 Question, how does that create peace in the atmosphere? Right, it doesn’t. Here is the lesson I’ve learned in dealing with individuals who’ve tried to make my nieces life difficult, simply downright unhappy at school.

1.       When I address the child without accusation and without condemnation the child is extremely receptive.

2.       By addressing the child in a kind compromising way there wasn’t any further tension between my niece, her, or her posse.

 

3.       I let the child know that I wasn’t angry with her and that I wanted to find a way to make her happy too. You see her family didn’t have the means to send special lunches. This child was simply acting out because she wanted to experience the same type of treat my niece did. Don’t get me wrong I am not condoning the behavior I am thankful that I was astute enough to see a hurt within this child that I could actually meet and assist her in feeling just a little bit better about her life.

4.       I showed by example to my niece how to handle adversity without turning the situation into an all-out war.

5.       The young girl learned that she didn’t have to be mean and intimidating. She learned that she could be nice, granted not always would she get her way, but there would be better outcomes if she was nice and simply asked politely. This was true with their relationship the last two years of my niece’s life in elementary school. By the way I helped with homework after school and Alicia would be right there thriving and enjoying the help she received.

6.       Other kids witnessed the way it was handled and prayerfully learned from the experience.

Now someone is saying well that was elementary school what about when the children get older? Well I have another experience in high school. This same niece had some girls that she was inseparable with early on. They frequented our home, went places with us, and even one girl when her mother died I attended the funeral. Something, til this day I still don’t know what happened, they couldn’t tolerate the sight of each other. No one was speaking to each other and other friends were being berated for being friends with who was now the enemy. At first I didn’t say anything I just observed. When they saw me they spoke but not to my niece and neither did she speak. I heard harsh conversations on the phone and decided that that was it I didn’t like the tenor. I told my niece, you got it to her

horror that I was going to pull them all together. I did and the conversation went something like this: “Hey ladies I believe everyone has told me that you are Christian’s right?” They all replied right. “Okay so would Jesus be happy with how you all are treating each other?” No one said anything. I continued “Okay let’s agree that He wouldn’t. I am not suggesting that you all will ever be good friends again, but are you all going to stand here and tell me you can’t at least cordially say hi to each other and keep it moving?” They all agreed that they could be civil and would stop the mean mugging. This didn’t resolve their friendship instantaneously, but it stop the obvious hostility and they began dealing with each other cordially. Two years later my niece ran for ASB president. She invited her campaign team over to make posters

and other give a ways. Who do you suppose was a part of this campaign? You got it those very girls. They never became like the beginning but they did return back to liking and caring for each other. By the way they all campaigned vigorously for her and she won!

So you see it’s not the age of the youth it’s how we choose to deal with them. The other women I spoke with had similar stories. The one constant, and neither one of us had shared our stories before, was the fact that all of us handled our children’s situation in the same kind and considerate manner. The other women spoke with the parents. They too, didn’t come to the children who were bullying their children parents with an attitude, accusing, or angry. They shared the issue and their concern and asked their help to make school safe and comfortable for all. One child who bullied one of the ladies children came to school the next day with an apology letter as well as one of her cohorts, as the mother of the bully challenged her friend’s behavior. The other mother’s child was bully and she became close to the children’s parents who was being bullied by her son and teamed to together to create a harmonious environment.

I believe if more parents listened to their children and got more constructively involved with their children school life we would not have so many shootings or suicides. I encourage parents to stop telling or believing that this trauma is just a part of growing up. It’s not natural. Kids can be and usually are cruel. Our children are not equipped to deal with it but we should be. So do your children a favor as they head back to school:

·         Be there for them in every way. Visit the school, the teachers, be a part of their homework and ask them with interest how their day went. If you’re not really interested in their education, neither will they be.

·         Set standards and expectations for your children in the home and away from the home and stick to them.

·         Get to know their friends. Try allowing your home to be a safe place for them to come over. Also get to know your child’s friends parents.

·         Ensure them that whatever the issue you are there for them.

·         Ensure your behavior is representative as to how to handle adversity. If you hit, they will hit. If you cuss they will cuss. If you talk about people behind their back, they will talk about people behind their back. If you’re a hater, then they will be haters.

·         Be observant. Your children will not tell you everything.

So as our children return to school let’s ensure that we are a part of their positive learning experience.

If a man doesn't work he shouldn't eat!

What an anomaly! It is time we were all honest regarding this statement. I personally believe it is not only a biblical principle but a non-Christian principle.  I was speaking with Mr. Willie Morrow publisher of the San Diego Monitor and an expert chemist in hair care product development on this very subject. We are agreed that we are willing to accept that there is a high level of unemployment across the country we also agreed that a percentage, I’ll even take the liberty of saying a high percentage, are unemployed because the job they want is not available, so if not that then they’re not willing to accept anything. Another good friend of mine Kenya Edison stated, “I tell people to take the job they can while waiting on the job they want.” Wow what a concept – work whatever job is available while waiting on the dream job you’d like or prefer.

It’s time we all hold all able bodies accountable for themselves, their families, and their livelihood. This might be what one calls tough love. When the scripture addresses this issue of working being synonymous with eating or the right of one to eat, while true back in the day it really referenced men in general as they had the sole financial responsibility of the family, or the unmarried woman remained with her family, meaning the father had the responsibility of providing for her, until she married, today this scripture speaks to mankind – male and female. Able body people can work. Able body people should work. Able body people who are not actively seeking work should not expect other people to feed them, house them or cloth them. Now let me make myself perfectly clear – I am willing to help those who
have exhausted all recourses because that’s the right thing to do. The bible states the poor you will always have. This was a reference to those who had no other recourse, not those who refused work because it just wasn’t what they were really willing to do. Let’s face it there are some out there who are just plain lazy and won’t work. The bible states that a man is worse than an infidel (one who rejects God), who doesn’t take care of his own.

Now someone out there is saying “I make more on unemployment than I would if I accepted one of those jobs.” I get that and that makes sense. The subsequent question is – what do you do when it runs out if you have not found that “want” job? Just maybe some will have to work two “can” jobs while waiting on that one “want” to job. Bottom line we are living in a time where the economy is having its challenge conversely families are struggling. We must put pride aside and do what is best for our families. We must show our children how to function in uncertain times that while we trust

God to provide we stay committed to ensuring that our family needs are met. I for one am done with making loans, that don’t get paid back anyway, to people who are making the conscious decision to be particular in what they will or won’t do to make ends meet. I ask you, why should I give of my hard earned money, when no different from them I do “can” jobs while waiting on the “want” and they’re not willing to do whatever it takes? Borrowing form people should be their absolute last recourse and not the first. And it should only be the last when they have absolutely exhausted all other avenues to gainful employment. 

Furthermore we must also avail ourselves to resources that are available to us. Stop allowing pride to get in the way and accept the resources that will assist your family while you wait on that “want” job.

Here are some helpful tips to utilize while you wait on that “want” job:

1.      Be honest with your family members. The entire family must pull together during this time. This will help all adjust their personal expectations and move into the realm of realism.

2.      If you’ve been a name brand shopper there are ways to honor some of that – think outlets, thrift shops, discount stores, etc. Better yet don’t let the name brand dictate your value or your existence.

3.      Hone up on your skills. Has the industry changed and job force changed? Take some classes that will increase your marketability.

4.      Become creative. Are there some skills and talents you have that you can create a small business opportunity that will supplement your income? Who knows maybe that talent will blossom into something permanent. (ie. Mechanics, cleaning, catering, crafts, lawn, janitorial). These work aptitudes can be maneuvered around another “can” job.

5.      Take a look at your spending habits and be honest as a family where you can realistically cut back.

6.      This is the perfect time for family time and rediscovering the simple things, like parks, beaches, museums, talks at the dinner table, picnics, and board games. We’ve forgotten how to enjoy each other without spending a grip of money.

7.      Be encouraged. This is not a time for you to make your family feel that your lives lack, but a time for them to understand cyclical changes and the sovereign ness of God, His wisdom, His provisions. Be like Paul “Whatever financial state I find myself in I have learned to be content.”

This list isn’t meant to be exhaustive it’s meant to help you mine your way through these times with some finesse. In closing if you want to eat then work!

10 Steps to living a life uninterrupted

I went to Savannah Georgia over the Fourth of July weekend for my brother’s wedding. While there I met a woman who was a breast cancer survivor who spoke of her experience sharing with me a letter she wrote in a breast cancer survivor contest (the letter is at the end of the article). What stood out for me was how she signed the letter “Mrs. Mobley, life uninterrupted” and of course it made me take a look at life and ask the question – Am I living a life uninterrupted? While I ponder the notion I ask you, are you living a life uninterrupted or are you living a life that has been interrupted – halted? So many things and issues can enter our lives that bring our lives to a screeching halt. The truth of the matter is we actually control whether our lives are interrupted or not.

As a gentle reminder these articles are never meant to minimalize or marginalize your pain, your frustrations, or your disappointments. They are meant to encourage you, give you hope, calm your fears and give you a brighter outlook on your future -- so as always bear with me.  

I think each of us can look at almost every situation that has arisen in our lives and make the lucid statement: “Yep that interrupted my life”. Momentary interruptions are a part of every one’s life. So the question isn’t exactly have you lived a life uninterrupted but how long have you allowed interruptions to take place? An example is a boxer who gets hit in the gut and his wind is knocked out of him, he only has 10 counts to stand up and continue fighting or he is knocked out. So I would suggest a better title for this article might just be has your life been temporarily interrupted or knocked out.

Here are ten steps to living a life uninterrupted:

1.       Determine the value of the incident and ask yourself if it’s worth your time any energy? Take the time to look into the situation and evaluate how you got to this place. Look at the role you played in the situation –forgive yourself and them and move on. Failing to forgive yourself or them keeps you in limbo.

2.       Stop repeating bad behavior. Learn from lessons learned.

3.       Eliminate things and people from your life who have a tendency to cause interruptions – before they knock you out.

4.       Focus on and only allow those things in your life that will build you up and encourage you.

5.       Learn to identify the signs that cause interruptions and stop them before they take root. Quick example – in relationships there are some behaviors you know off the bat that lead to unhealthy outcomes. Just simply say “NO”. You deserve better.

6.       Purpose in your heart that you will only accept the best that God has for you. Let’s make this clear anything that you have to demand to receive is not genuine. Genuine attitudes and behaviors are a natural part of the person’s character which you receive freely. If you have to demand then you are trying to change behavior which is not your responsibility to do unless of course it’s your child.

7.       Find extreme value in you. Understand that if you don’t value yourself then how can you truly expect someone to value you.

8.       Set standards and stick to them - in all relationships.

9.       Refuse to be defeated.
 

10.   Affirm yourself daily – affirmations: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made”, "I am complete in Christ no one takes away or adds to me”, "I am the apple of God’s eye and He desires to be with me”, "If God is for me who can be against me”, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”, and “My God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches and glory”. Add your own affirmations to these.

So I salute you beloved as you live a life uninterrupted never to be knocked out.

Read the beauty story of a woman in discovery of herself during the most difficult time in her life!

At the age of 33 my life changed. In September of 2007, I, this young mother and wife was given a death sentence.  That was how I looked at it on the day it was confirmed that I had the big "C" cancer.  The conformation was given on a Thursday while I was at work.   I completed my day at work in a fog trying to figure out how I was going to tell my husband and children, that I had this silent killer.   It hit home really hard.  We cried together as a family and then my husband and I cried and prayed in private as a couple.

   I then had a conversation with God asking Him to give me peace in my spirit.   Not questioning Him why, but understanding that this was my journey.  By that Monday, God had given me what I had requested - strength.  I was then ready to face this head on.  I was told that I would ultimately loose my breast and on November 15, 2007, I had my right breast removed.  

On that day, I cried one last time for the young lady that I knew who was gone forever and for the woman I would become.  In understanding that God did not reveal it to me so that I could die (I found my own lump or should I say we).  He revealed it so I could live!  I had 2 little girls and a husband to fight for so I fought and remained positive.  I never had a bad day even on the not so good days, because every day I’d open my eyes to see my mother, husband and babies was a good day.  I am ending this letter with a smile.

Sincerely Tamara Mobley

 Life not interrupted

The ten things women do that drive men away (Is it still alive today?)

by William July II Excerpt from his book Brothers, Lust & Love: Thoughts on Manhood, Sex and Romance Copyright © 1998 by Will July II

(After reading the article, chime in on the poll and leave your comments as to your thoughts on this topic. I look forward to hearing from you.)

Some women, without even knowing it, are driving the men who love them right out of their lives. For the most part, women aren't getting information about men straight from the source. They're asking other women, listening to so-called relationship experts, and believing statistics. While those sources may be helpful and provide some information, nothing is as accurate as asking men what they think and feel. This list of ten things women do that drive men away was compiled from informal interviews with real everyday men. None of these men are "experts" from academia. None of them are sociologists, psychologists, or relationship experts - they're just regular guys.

1. ACTING SWEET TO GET A MAN, THEN CHANGING -When a woman changes her entire act after the relationship gets going, men feel as though they've been duped. Suddenly, he doesn't know what to believe anymore and feels he can't really trust the woman he thought he knew.

2. NOT GIVING ENOUGH SPACE - Most men simply just want some room to be by themselves. Men, just like women, need to feel that they aren't trapped or being held hostage in their lives. From time to time, men want to get away and be alone or hang out with their friends.

3. WANTING TOO MANY THINGS - Some black men say black women are unrealistic in their expectations and want too much. Of course, wanting a good hardworking man who respects women isn't asking too much. But what about when it goes far beyond that? For some women, having a good man just isn't enough.

4. NOT SAYING WHAT SHE MEANS - "Women expect you to read their minds like a psychic." --Jamal, college student

Men aren't very good mind readers. In fact, we often have difficulty just figuring out what women mean with the words they speak.

5. THE THREE B'S OF SEX "I'm going to be straight about it: sex is important to me." --Gene, entrepreneur

• Bad sex - Common complaints among men are: lack of enthusiasm, lack of rhythm, no creativity, and poor technique. If a person in a relationship is dissatisfied or experiencing sexual dysfunction, it's something that should be openly and honestly discussed. The reasons for sexual dysfunction can be psychological, physiological, ethical, and religious, or a host of other things. If the problems seem insurmountable, the advice of a pastor or therapist may be necessary.
  
• Boring sex - Boring sex isn't necessarily the same thing as bad sex. But it is far from good. Boring sex is always doing it in the same place, at the same time, and in the same old position. It's when the sex gets to the point that it feels like more of a duty than a desire. Boring sex is when you're going through all the motions but there's no spice or passion involved.

• Boudoir battle - Using sex as a weapon doesn't do anything but make a man angry. It can be subtle things such as not being open to touching and cuddling. Or it can be more strategic. It can be the refusal to do certain things in bed. The most brutal form of bedroom battle is outright refusal.

6. CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT OTHER MEN  "She's always talking about this guy at her job and it really pisses me off." --Shawn, corporate executive

Men don't like to hear women constantly talking about other men. It's not necessarily an ego thing. It's just that each man wants to feel special and important to the woman in his life.

7. BEING A DRAMA QUEEN - Drama queens are always whining, pestering, or nagging about something. With them, nothing can ever be right. They pull all kinds of little tricks to get and control a man's attention. If he's watching television, she wants him to get up and put out the trash. When he has time off from work, she tries to plan each hour for him.  Another technique used by the drama queen is to play damsel in distress to get a man's attention. In this role the drama queen says "save me." Initially, it may make a man feel good to be the chivalrous knight in shining armor coming to the rescue. But too much distress can drive even the most loyal knight to ride off into the sunset.

8. BEING HARD AND COLD - Most of the time she is openly disrespectful to him as a human being, not just as a man. Other times she is cold and aloof, barely acknowledging that he was in the room. Believe it or not, men have feelings too. Hard and cold behavior is enough to drive anyone away.  Every man wants home to be a safe refuge from the cold-hearted world. However, when the world at home is colder than the work world, there is no solace.

9. CHEATING "They call us dogs, but women are out there fooling around just as much." --Barry, auto mechanic

Women are human beings and are therefore just as subject to dishonesty and deceit as any man. Cheating takes two forms. First, there's the obvious form, which is having affairs. But the second way of cheating is mental. The truth is that cheating doesn't have to be just about affairs or lovers. Cheating is deception of any kind.

10. ENGAGING IN A POWER STRUGGLE - It really irritates men when women they're involved with are constantly trying to upstage them. This is especially bothersome for those men who aren't trying to compete with their mates.  Four ways some women engage in a power struggle: (1) Making sure they look smarter than a man by intentionally upstaging him in public. (2) Disagreeing for the sake of disagreement. (3) Unnecessary rudeness. (4) Being condescending or cutting down what a man says when he states his personal thoughts and opinions.

Ladies chime in with the 10 things that drive women away from men and an article will be written to ensure your sentiments are conveyed.

The Look of perfect love

Today I attending a wedding of a young man I have known for over fifteen years. When I met this young man at the tender age of seventeen he shared with me that he loved a young woman deeply - apparently at that time the feelings weren’t mutual. At the time I didn’t know why but today it is as clear as a bell. I am able to write this testimony to bless others because I am his witness. I digress for a moment to share with you that this young man was and still is extremely handsome, kind, and generous, so clearly it’s not always those character traits that seem to be the most attractive to women (see the earlier blog: why good girls before bad boys. This is not meant to say she preferred bad boys). Today, more in love with this young woman than before, this young man was joined in matrimony to the love of his life. I watched as he tried to hold back the tears as she walked down the aisle. He did a pretty good job that is until her father deposited her at the end of the aisle and he came down to claim his long awaited jewel. The tears feel as he fully embraced her father exchanging a silent thank you for relinquishing his daughter into his care. While all the traditional vows were exchanged the couple proceeded to exchange personally scribed vows, this young man choked back tears as he professed his initial fear of having lost her, his gratitude of having found her again, and his undying lifelong commitment to, as he called her, “his queen”.

I know that I had just looked into perfect human love and I had absolutely witnessed a man professing his unabashed love and commitment for the woman he admits had finally been given to him by God.

Not only did this union make me look deeply into my life and my encounters in relationships I asked the question had I ever been loved this way by anyone in my life and I had to admit in the natural the answer was no but in the spirit the answer was and still is a resounding yes!

Before I deal with the yes to pull this all together I share some emotions I had to deal with while this beautiful wedding took place. While I knew there was one person in my life who could say they had been loved by me that same way this young man loved his new bride the wounds of that relationship were revived because I realized that I had dealt with the betrayal encountered ten years ago but I had not dealt with the loss I felt. So I too cried during the ceremony rejoicing with this young man and accepting my loss so that I could free myself to truly be available for what God has in store for me.

Back to the resounding “yes” of being loved so completely. In many ways this young man loved this young woman the same way God loves us.

1.       Even though we regularly reject Him, He continues to love us unconditionally waiting the time when we will be restored to our right mind.

2.       Even though we go through a succession of relationships He patiently awaits the day when our relationship will be solidified.

3.       Even though He reaches out to us to get our attention, wanting us to deeply know the best that He has in store for us, he lovingly waits in the back ground watching us refusing to believe that He is what’s best for us.

4.        No matter what He never gives up on us.

That is a spiritual reflection of perfect love. It is a love that is not based on us but a love that is based on God’s desire to love us. This young man didn’t love this woman in as much as her, herself, but he loved the God who made her. The bible reminds us when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. While in the beginning he didn’t have a relationship with the Lord, in later years he gained one and because he truly became a delight to God, God has given him the desire of his heart!

So what do we take away with this? We take away these truths:

1.       Wait on the best that God has for you. Stop settling and make sure like in the movie Indecent Proposal, when Robert Redford’s chauffer asked, “Why did you let her go?” Robert Redford said because she (Demi Moore) would never look at him the way she looked at the man she really loved. Ensure that this man or woman has shown you their ability to love you unconditionally. Know without a doubt that he or she only has eyes for you. Stop marrying because you think the following:

a.       Your biological clock is ticking.

b.       It legalizes your desire to have sex.

c.       You feel this is the best you can do.

d.      You may not love unconditionally but you can grow into it.

2.       Make sure that he or she truly loves the Lord. Don’t simply marry someone who goes to church. Ensure that that they have an active faith a faith that screams they love JESUS by their actions not merely their mouths.

3.       Make sure that you are treated like royalty. Embraced with a fullness that cannot be compared and treasured like the precious jewel you are. Make sure He is willing to lay down his life for you.

4.       Make sure he or she is truly no longer your spouse to be but also your best friend.

This list is not meant to be exhaustive just reflective. So ladies and gentlemen before you can receive the best that God has for you, you must purge the past, forgive the past and embrace the future. Not only must you be loved unconditionally but you also must be prepared to love and give unconditionally. Some just said that’s a tall order. I say to you that’s why it’s stated, “marriage should not be entered into lightly.” This union is intended to be until death do you part LITERALLY, so as the song says, make it last forever and you too shall not only look upon perfect love but experience it!!

Tune in tomorrow for “A woman will give back what you give her”