Be the change you want to see

This article is the second installment of a series developed to address change. Yesterday I wrote an article entitled “Change begins with me” (look in the table of contents) You should really ensure you begin with that article before progressing to this one. Today I am extending that article to encourage each of us to "become the chance we want to see" (Mahatma Ghandi). I believe I was correct when I began the exploration of the need for us to understand that true change in any environment begins with each of us individually. Once that individual assessment has taken place then we merge into a change combined with renewed minds of a group of people who seek common ground in order to begin a movement for the better. If we didn’t first explore the fact that it is easier to take a position that things in this world, on our jobs, in our homes, in our families stem from someone else’s influence and not ours, then we find it darn near impossible to heal broken situations, because of course someone else is the problem not me. They’re the ones who need fixing, not me. I don’t want to pretend that there aren’t barriers in our lives that other people contribute to, having said that it is equally important for each of us to be honest with ourselves and explore the contributing factors our behaviors, attitudes, and choices have brought to bear on our current situation.

 

R. Kelly sang a song “I believe I can fly”. In that song it had one line that I believe speaks directly to the principle of being the change you want to see. The line went like this, “If I can see it, then I can do it, if I just believe it there's nothing to it.” In order for change to take root you must first believe that change is possible. You must believe that change must happen and you must be committed to ensuring that change happens!

Steps to ensuring change happens:

• Admit that there are something’s that need to change
• Take responsibility for the role you’ve played in the current state of affairs.
• Take a proactive role in isolating those areas in your life that need to be surgically removed. (i.e; People in your life who are more of a liability than an asset, mindsets in your life that tear you down and prevent growth, substances that prevent physical and mental health, environments that are toxic, poisonous to your sanity.)
• 
  Perform the surgery and remove those toxic, unhealthy elements.

How do you move into becoming the change you want to see? Great question.

1. You must be transformed by the renewing of your mind. All unhealthy habits, beliefs, and practices that you have been feed over the years whether by television, through conversations from well-meaning people, by way of learned behaviors must be analyzed through a sound base of reference. Bottom line if what you’ve been doing over these however many years has kept you in bondage you’re getting your advice from the wrong source. Change your source. Of course the correct source is the Operators manual the bible. In it you find answers to every life issue you will face. Remember it took you a while to get to the mental state you’re in so be patient with yourself, remain focused, consistent, and fight like your very life depends on it. Because in fact your very life may depend on it!

2. You must surround yourself with people who are positive, people who exemplify the change you want to see.

3.  Apply the newly learned behaviors to your everyday life. You don’t want the behaviors to be forced or fake. The newly learned behaviors should emulate, reflect exactly who you’ve become.

4. Lead change by example. Don’t peach it and hide behind a rock, step out boldly and trust that God is in the midst of the change and will support your efforts to heal a broken situation. Remember this change is going to be drastic. We’ve been admonished to stand on this very principle of broken relationships. “If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray and turn from their wicked ways (change) then will I hear from heaven then will I heal their land.”

5. Use all the weapons at your disposal to bring about change. (i.e; prayer, scripture, praise and worship, liturgical dance, fasting, silence.) Stand on these guiding principles – “if God be for you who can be against you? No weapon formed against you shall prosper. He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shelter of the Almighty, though one thousand may fall at your left hand and ten thousand at your right it (whatever “it” is) shall not come near you. The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. God is a very present help in a time of trouble.”

6. Trust the processes. At the end of the day you must trust the process and the One who created the process.

If you follow these principles I am certain you will become the change you want to see!

Through the eyes of a child

Through the eyes of your child what emits back through their cornea, the part of the eye that is like a camera lens? What is it that your child or children see of you on a regular basis? Are you giving them the opportunity to see you in a positive light or a negative light? God has given children to us as a precious gift. We have the responsibility to raise them up in a way that is pleasing to God. That means that we are not to live a life that says do as I say not as I do. It means that we are to live a life that they can emulate later in life and instill those same values and principles in their children.   So much damage is being done by parents to their children that are absolutely mindboggling and downright shameful.  The children born to you did not choose you and yet they’re stuck with you and yet God did choose you to be their parent. Let me ask you, through the eyes of a child; is this the image they see?

• A parent who insists their child/children go to church and yet the parent lives their life as though they don’t know Jesus the other six days of the week?
• 
  A parent who walks around saying God bless you and out of your mouth on a regular basis the child hears you cussing them and others out?
• A parent who puts their respective courting partner before the needs of their own child?
• A parent who parades a different set of courting partners in front of the children only to confuse them by one minute being their “dad” and then the next minute they are to become nothing to the child?
• A parent who brings courting partners into their lives that have no values and no morals? Living off of you and contributing nothing?
• A parent who brings courting partners into their lives who are abusive to you and your children?
• A parent who says do as I say not I as I do further confusing the child? Example – you are not married and your child is exposed to your sexual encounters, partners spending the night, and yet you tell the child they shouldn’t have sex. Based on what example? Where in the bible does it say if you’re over the age of eighteen then sex before marriage is okay? Why in the world are you expecting your child to make better decisions that the example you place before them on a regular basis?
• A parent who misappropriates funds given by God opting for frivolity then can’t pay the basic bills needed to provide for your family?
• 
  A parent who has child after child by a different courting partner?
• A parent who tells their child they’ll never amount to anything? Calls their child stupid? Is always tearing them down?

I could go on and on and I encourage you to continue to paint the picture for yourself and others. The question begs is this really the image you want your child to have of you? Don’t you want to give your children a chance in life? Many times our children act up because we are not giving them the love, the time, the attention, or the encouragement they need to mine their way through this thing called life. Our young girls search for the love of a man that they just can’t seem to get from their fathers. This means they tend to get together with any pair of britches if they dare to say those six magic words, “Girl you know I love you.” Our young men tend to emulate the men they’ve seen come around or worse they have a strong need to prove themselves and an even stronger need to feel accepted since they’ve been torn down by the very one who should be building them up. This is for free – you are not to be your child’s friend until they are an adult! You are supposed to raise them to be responsible adults, discipline them, instruct them, guide them, and love them.

Here are some images that should be seen and embraced through the eyes of a child:

• A parent who encourages them to be the best they can be.
• A parent who exercises tough love, when, the occasion calls for it.
• A parent who if they say they are a Christian is identified as such not because you say it but because the child witnesses Christian behavior by you on a regular basis. You are a walking epistle. The child sees you praying and trusting God so they too will know how to trust and pray to God.
• A parent who lives a life that is not reflective of the very things you’re telling their children not to do.
• 
  A parent who shows by example what it means to have work ethics, be a good citizen, and  live in a way that exudes character and respect for authority.
• A parent who has a spirit of hospitality, a spirit of compassion, and one who always endeavors to see the best in others.

You can add to this list also.  It is time out for the constant destruction being done to our children and time for parents, actually long overdue, for parents to be parents is a way that builds our children up instead of tearing them down. Like marriage parenthood should not be entered into lightly. You will have to sacrifice, you will have to discipline yourself, you will have to put some of your wants and desires on the back burner to ensure that your children’s needs are met both emotionally and financially. Remember you’re the one who decided to have children so you should be the one making the sacrifice and you should be the one ensuring that you are raising healthy children who are an asset to those they encounter and not a liability to them. If we don’t stop this emotional chaotic rollercoaster that has taken over the very fabric of the family then we position ourselves to continue to see the following:

• Escalating divorces
• Escalating violence towards one another
• Escalating sexual promiscuity
• Escalating single parent households
• Escalating emotionally disturbed children

Let’s stop the cycle.  If you have not lived in a way that you want your child to see you apologize to your child and immediately begin a corrective program to bring your child/children into a healthy realm of existence.

If you lay down with dogs you will get up with fleas! - San Diego Christian | Examiner.com

If you lay down with dogs you will get up with fleas! - San Diego Christian | Examiner.com

If you lay down with Dogs you will get up with Fleas!

This article is a universal article it doesn’t single out a sex, a faith, a culture, or a race. This is a universal truth. Many have associated this saying with relationships. I am in agreement, I am simply associating the phrase “If you lay down with dogs you will get up with fleas” to every type of relationship. Each one of us must examine who we associate with in all areas of our life. It has been said “birds of a feather flock together”. What’s the implication? Glad you asked. The implication is you almost always spend time with people who reflect your values and your belief so anyone who sees you in any particular setting makes the assumption that you are in agreement with the attitudes and behaviors of those you associate with and to make matters worse, depending on who you’re hanging around, the assumption is you are just like them. Don’t get your panties in a bunch you can’t blame people for making that leap. Truth is, if you weren’t in agreement, you couldn’t tolerate being in their presence on a regular basis. It would be a constant battle of the wills if that were so, and who wants to expend that kind of energy? This is not to say that you will never be in the presence of someone who lives their lives contrary to yours, let me just make this point to help you further understand. There are certain conversations friends of mine will have with me and then there are other conversations they won’t have. They respect where I am in life with my walk with Christ so out of that respect their spirit pricks them and says that is not appropriate dialogue around her.  This is not to say that I am so heavenly bound that I am no earthly good, it simply reflects my constant character and people respond in kind.  

Let me state up front these examples do not reflect statements from one who is perfect, without sin, or from one who doesn’t happen to slip up every now and then. Always remember it’s never about where you began it’s always about how you finish. Here are a couple of examples; people rarely cuss in my presence and when they do they invariably say, “I’m sorry” or “excuse me”. Now cussing is within their character they just internally realized that they shouldn’t say things of that nature in my presence. This doesn’t make me special or mean that people are not comfortable in my presence, it simply means because of how I consistently carry myself, their spirit simply says, “not her”. Another case in point, people only send me certain texts, if they’re raunchy, over suggestive, and downright offensive, I tend not to get those, although I do know those who get them on a regular basis. My friends don’t have conversations with me glamourizing sex they have had outside of marriage. They may discuss their struggles in that area but we don’t celebrate anything that goes against the word of God. Once again not because I am perfect or judgmental they simply respect the character within.

Scripture says let your light shine before all mankind that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven. Scripture also says we are the salt of the earth. What does salt do? It gives flavor and it preserves. Scripture further clarifies in Proverbs 13:20 “he who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Or again Proverbs 14:7 appears to tie the ability to discern words of knowledge with the men you hang with. If you hang with fools, you will not discern the words of wisdom. You’ll believe anything, no matter how stupid.

So once again, the focus is on who are you hanging with, and, are they a sweet savor to the nostrils of God or are they a fowl stench?

Answer the following questions: 

• If trying to grow in your Christian walk who are you spending time with? Is their counsel laced with scripture or worldly principles?
• If trying to strengthen your marriage who are you spending time with? Someone whose counsel biblically strengthens and encourages you or one who is an embarrassment to their spouse?
• If trying to grow professionally who are you using as an example? One who is praise worthy from above or one who is giving you counsel that leaves a sour taste in God’s mouth?
• If trying to raise your children whose advice are you seeking? Is your counsel coming from one who expects their children to do as they say and not as they do? Or is their counsel an example of one who stays at the feet of God in order to receive sound instruction?

You get the point. So as I began if you lay down with dogs you will get up with fleas and ask any dog that’s a horrible existence.

How to put the flame of passion back into your marriage? - San Diego Christian | Examiner.com

How to put the flame of passion back into your marriage? - San Diego Christian Examiner.com

JESUS REALLY LOVES YOU

In the spirit of Resurrection Sunday I wanted to share this story I found years ago and find it appropriate today. I pray you will be blessed with such wonderful sentiments! May we gain a heart like this little angel!

Every Sunday afternoon, after the morning service at their church, the Pastor and his 11-year-old son would go out into their town and hand out Gospel tracts. This particular Sunday afternoon, as it came time for the Pastor and his son to go to the streets with their tracts, it was very cold outside as well as pouring down rain. The boy bundled up in his warmest and driest clothes and said, "Okay Dad, I'm ready."

His Pastor Dad asked, "Ready for what?”

"Dad, it's time we gather our tracts together and go out."

Dad responds, "Son, it's very cold outside and it's pouring down rain."

The boy gives his Dad a surprised look, asking, "But Dad, aren't people still going to Hell, even though it's raining?"

Dad answers, "Son, I am not going out in this weather." 

Despondently the boy asks, "Dad, can I go -- Please?" His father hesitated for a moment then said, "Son, you can go. Here are the tracts; be careful son."

"Thanks, Dad!" And with that he was off and out into the rain. This 11-year-old boy walked the streets of the town going door-to-door and handing everybody he met in the street a Gospel tract. After 2-hours of walking in the rain he was soaking, bone-chilled wet and down to his very last tract. He stopped on a corner and looked for someone to hand a tract to, but the streets were totally deserted.

Then he turned toward the first home he saw and started up the sidewalk to the front door and rang the doorbell. He rang the bell -- but nobody answered. He rang it again and again but still no one answered. He waited but still no answer. Finally this 11-year-old trooper turned to leave but something stopped him. Again, he turned to the door and rang the bell and knocked loudly on the door with his fist. He waited; something was holding him there on the front porch. He rang again, and this time the door slowly opened. Standing in the doorway was a very sad looking elderly lady.

She softly asked, "What can I do for you, son?"

With radiant eyes and a smile that lit up her world, this little boy said, "Ma'am, I'm sorry if I disturbed you, but I just want to tell you that JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU! I came to give you my very last Gospel tract which will tell you all about Jesus and His great love." With that he handed her his last tract, and turned to leave.

She called to him as he departed, "Thank you, son! And God bless you!"

Well, the following Sunday morning in church, Pastor Dad was in the pulpit and as the service began he asked, "Does anybody have a testimony or want to say anything?"

Slowly, in the back row of the church, an elderly lady stood to her feet. As she began to speak, a look of glorious radiance came from her face. "None of you in this church know me. I've never been here before. You see, before last Sunday I was not a Christian. My husband has passed on, some time ago, leaving me totally alone in this world. Last Sunday, being a particularly cold and rainy day, it was even more so in my heart as I came to the end of the line where I no longer had any hope or will to live. So I took a rope and a chair and ascended the stairway into the attic of my home. I fastened the rope securely to a rafter in the roof then stood on the chair and fastened the other end of the rope around my neck. Standing on that chair, so lonely and brokenhearted, I was about to leap off when suddenly the loud ringing of my doorbell downstairs startled me. 

I thought, 'I'll wait a minute, and whoever it is will go away. I waited and waited -- but the ringing doorbell seemed to get louder and more insistent and then the person ringing also started knocking loudly. I thought to myself again, 'Who on earth could this be?! Nobody ever rings my bell or comes to see me!' I loosened the rope from my neck and started for the front door, all the while the bell rang louder and louder. When I opened the door and looked I could hardly believe my eyes! There on my front porch was the most radiant and angelic little boy I had ever seen in my life! His smile! Oh, I could never describe it to you!

And the words that came from his mouth caused my heart, which had long been dead, to leap to life as he exclaimed with cherub-like voice, 'Ma'am, I just came to tell you that JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU.' Then he gave me this Gospel tract that I now hold in my hand. As the little angel disappeared back out, into the cold and rain, I closed my door and read slowly every word of this Gospel tract. Then I went up to my attic to get my rope and chair. I wouldn't need them any more.

You see, I am now a happy child of the KING, and since the address of your church was on the back of this Gospel tract I have come here to personally say, 'Thank you to God's little angel who came just in the nick of time, and by so doing, spared my soul from an eternity in Hell.'"

There were now no dry eyes in the church. As shouts of praise and honor to the KING resounded off the very rafters of the building, Pastor Dad descended from the pulpit to the front pew where the little angel was seated. He took him in his arms and sobbed uncontrollably.

Probably no church has had a more glorious moment and probably this Universe has never seen a Papa that was more filled with love and honor for his son, except for one: This Father, God, also allowed His Son, Jesus, to go out into a cold and dark world. He received His Son back with joy unspeakable, and as all of Heaven shouted praises and honor to the King, the Father sat His beloved Son on a throne far above all

Principalities and powers and every name that is named. There may be someone reading this that is also going through a dark, cold and lonely time in your soul. You may be a Christian, for we are not without problems, or you may not yet know the King. Whatever the case, and whatever the problem or situation you find yourself in, and no matter how dark it may seem, I want you to know that I just came to tell you, "JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU!"

Author Unknown~

Over 2000 years ago Jesus was nailed to the cross and on that cross He saw you. And even though He could have called a legion of angels to bring Him down and wipe out all His enemies, because He saw you and knew He had to die for you that you might live He suffered through the pain, agony and shame on the cross so that access would be granted to His Father in heaven that you may receive eternal life. For the bible says whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord you shall be saved. Jesus died for the just and the unjust. Always know there is plenty of room at the cross for you!

Happy Resurrection Sunday

Misplaced Anger

Misplaced anger, all of us have been guilty at one time or another, some of us might be guilty of it right now. What does misplaced anger look like? It is an individual who has placed their anger, their frustration, their disappointments, their animosity towards an individual or individuals instead of the placing their emotional distresses where they actually belong – more times than not their emotional distresses should be refocused to reflect on themselves. Let me prove my point and make this discourse much clearer.

Example one – a woman is angry at the man she had a child with because he doesn’t help out with the child emotionally or monetarily. Someone is saying, “That’s a good reason to be frustrated, disappointed, and angry.” And I would say, “You’re right.” The question begs where should those emotions be focused? Let me ask a few questions that must be answered first – when you decided to have children with this man, was he responsible? Did he meet your emotional needs? Does he have other children and does he emotionally and physically take care of them? The honest answer is probably “no”. So in truth he is still the same man, you simply want him to be different, better because the circumstances have changed. While I can appreciate that desire I still have to ask what character traits existed that would lead you to believe that this was possible? Aren’t you really angry at yourself for having made such a bad choice to begin with and for you having unrealistic expectations?

Example two – you meet a man or a woman who was already involved with a person and they cheat on them with you, eventually they end up leaving the other person to be with you and then surprise, surprise they cheat on you. You’re angry with that person. Is your anger misplaced? If he or she will cheat on their partner to be with you, what would you make you so special that you believed they wouldn’t cheat on you? I don’t care if they promised you they wouldn’t  what  in their DNA did you have access to that made you believe it would be different with you? Misplaced anger. Aren’t you really angry with yourself for allowing yourself to be with a cheater? And aren’t you just a little disappointed with yourself that you helped him or her cheat with you? You dated a cheater and they continued to cheat on you, what a big surprise!

Example three – a friend tells you other people businesses that he or she was sworn to secrecy not to tell. You subsequently find out the things you’ve told that same person in secret has been told to others and you’re angry with them blaming them for all your private information being revealed. Misplaced? Right. If they will tell you things other people swore them to secrecy why would you trust that your stuff would remain private? Are you not angry with yourself for trusting someone so untrustworthy with your personal deep secrets in the first place? Aren’t you just a little disappointed with yourself for sharing those intimate details with that person when if honest you knew better?

Example four – Your children, who you raised with values, principles, morals, and beliefs subsequently, get in with the wrong crowd and begin to act like total strangers and you’re angry at the friends because you believe they encouraged the bad behavior of your children. Misplaced anger? Right. Why you ask? Because your children have made choices that go against everything you taught him or her, no one put a gun to their head, threatened the lives of their family, or threatened them. Yes the friends were enticing but it is your child who made the choice to go astray. Your disappointment should be focused on your child, and your energies should be on restoration of your relationship with your child and getting help to understand why your child has gone down the very road you discouraged him or her from going down.

Example five – You are dating a married man or woman, of course they have stated their unhappiness in their marriage and you bought into it and have agreed to be involved with him or her in every way. Years go by and he or she has not left their spouse. You are angry, disappointed, frustrated at him or her. Misplaced? Absolutely. Why are you hooked up with a married man or woman in the first place? Aren’t you angry, disappointed, and downright disgusted with yourself for violating the sanctity of the marriage union, regardless of what he or she said about their spouse? Aren’t you really angry that you have been playing the role of a home wrecker?

Example six – You married a man or woman without seeking the approval of God. You married the man or woman with an operator’s manual at your fingertips, the bible, and yet you failed to yield to examples of the right character traits of a spouse and decided you could change that person. Everything about that person went against your best judgment but you hoped, maybe even prayed that it would all work out in the end. But surprise, surprise it doesn’t. You’re angry, disappointed, frustrated because God didn’t bless you mess. Misplaced? Absolutely.

We could look at a hundred other scenarios but I am sure you get the point. Many unhappy things that have happened to each of us have greatly been due to our choices, our lack of values, and our lack of right thinking. We have all sacrificed peace and tranquility for mess and more mess and then we want God to bless our mess. In order to make right choices we must first and foremost be honest with ourselves. If you’re going to be with a screwed up person, don’t get angry when they remain screwed up. Calculate the cost of each decision made. The ultimate question that must be asked and only you can answer is this: “Can you live with that choice for the rest of your life?” Because the truth to your question is what you see is what you get, can you remain happy and at peace with none of the issues changing? If not then don’t get involved with them to begin with and teach these exact same principles to your children.

You Are Not Superwoman!!

And that’s okay. You shouldn’t expect to be one and no else should expect it of you either. The dynamics of the family have changed over a century ago, even as few as forty years ago.  There was a dramatic increase in single-parent families in the United States in the last three decades of the twentieth century; only 13 percent of families were headed by a single parent in 1970. Over one-fourth of children in the United States lived with a single parent in 1996, double the proportion in 1970. Approximately 84 percent of these families were headed by women. Of all single-parent families, the most common are those headed by divorced or separated mothers (58%) followed by never-married mothers (24%). Other family heads include widows (7%), divorced and separated fathers (8.4%), never-married fathers (1.5%), and widowers (0.9%). There is racial variation in the proportion of families headed by a single parent: 22 percent for white, 57 percent for black, and 33 percent for Hispanic families. The United States Census records reflect that in 2006, 12.9 million families in the U.S. were headed by a single-parent, 85% of which were headed by a female. Now I know you’re asking, “why is she giving us those statistics?” Well the answer is quite simple; it is to show that women are providing the majority of care and resources for their children.

 It clear to anyone looking, that women are overburdened with the day to day responsibility of taking care of their families. In many instances the woman is the mother and the father, the provider and the nurturer, the disciplinarian and the mediator, the mentor and the teacher, the cook, the courier, the house keeper, the nurse, and the spiritual leader and the example for which generations will be built upon. This woman doesn’t use her sick time for herself she saves that for when her children are sick. With all that in mind when oh when does she make time for herself? When or when can she make time for herself? The thought of handling all those responsibilities are daunting, but that woman very rarely gets to dwell on that.

Here's what an average day looks like for her; she has to get up every day, whether she is feeling good or not, and make sure that everyone gets to where they have to go. She tries with her very being to ensure that things run as smoothly as possible. All during the day she wonders how all family members are doing, checking the clock then calling to be sure the children made it home from school. After finally getting home from work she either brings dinner home or has to prepare it. Her job is not done when she gets home, after dinner, maybe even during dinner the children sit at the dining room table doing the homework, with mom’s assistance while she pulls dinner together. After dinner, while her children assist with the dinner dishes, then ensures that all take baths, she puts together lunch for the children to take to school the next day. If there isn’t an argument to mediate, which there usually is, the woman must calm all down and insist that all go to bed. Depending on her energy she throws a load of clothes in the wash machine. Finally there is some silence in the home so she makes her way to the bath for a nice hot bubble bath. By this time it’s almost eleven maybe twelve midnight. She drags her tired frame to the bed and the next sound she hears is the alarm “6am” in the morning, and it all begins again.

I give the above scenario just to tip my hat off to all single parents and say you are truly worthy of praise. Your job is not easy and yet you at times, make it look effortless. With all those responsibilities for sanity sake you must seek balance for yourself or you will crack when you least expect it.

Here are some thoughts as to how you can put some balance into your life.

• Remember that you need respite time yourself. You are to be applauded that your children come first, and that’s how it should be. You should also remember that you have to feed your needs too. Commit to at the very least twice a month that you will allow yourself some time to do what you enjoy doing (don’t say you enjoy being with your children, even while that is a large part of your truth). You have things you enjoy (i.e; exercise, a movie, a nice meal with friends, time to read that book you always wanted to read, etc.) you get the point -- you fill in your own blanks. 

 

• That old adage “it takes a village to raise a child” is still true today. Don’t wear out your welcome, having said that do ensure that you establish healthy individuals, your children’s friends parents, and your family so that you have individuals who you trust who can provide that time out you need. Also ensure that you reciprocate.

• Ensure that your children respect the time that you need. Make it a regular part of your family discourse. It should be a natural part of your children’s experience. Include them in on your plans allow them to feel a part of helping you obtain your little piece of heaven away from them, not instead of them. If your time is with the opposite sex be careful not to create insecurities in your children as much as possible keep that separate until you have reached a place where you are truly ready to commit. (Read the article When Am I Ready to Date).  Your children shouldn’t be exposed to a slew of any adults. Protect your children’s heart and emotions by sparing them attachments that are not destined to last.

 

Plan ahead. Some like spontaneity but for some without planning your time away, you may find yourself unable to spend the identified time if you simply do it without having given complete thought to all aspects and all affected individuals.

• Finally don’t feel guilty about this time you are spending on yourself. Realize you deserve it, you’ve earned it! Understand this is healthy for all parties concerned.

Having rethought my earlier statement, maybe you are Superwoman, but even Superwoman needs a break every now and then. With love I pray for your time of refreshing, rejuvenation, and rejoicing in your time of respite!!