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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Misplaced Anger

Misplaced anger, all of us have been guilty at one time or another, some of us might be guilty of it right now. What does misplaced anger look like? It is an individual who has placed their anger, their frustration, their disappointments, their animosity towards an individual or individuals instead of the placing their emotional distresses where they actually belong – more times than not their emotional distresses should be refocused to reflect on themselves. Let me prove my point and make this discourse much clearer.
Example one – a woman is angry at the man she had a child with because he doesn’t help out with the child emotionally or monetarily. Someone is saying, “That’s a good reason to be frustrated, disappointed, and angry.” And I would say, “You’re right.” The question begs where should those emotions be focused? Let me ask a few questions that must be answered first – when you decided to have children with this man, was he responsible? Did he meet your emotional needs? Does he have other children and does he emotionally and physically take care of them? The honest answer is probably “no”. So in truth he is still the same man, you simply want him to be different, better because the circumstances have changed. While I can appreciate that desire I still have to ask what character traits existed that would lead you to believe that this was possible? Aren’t you really angry at yourself for having made such a bad choice to begin with and for you having unrealistic expectations?

Example two – you meet a man or a woman who was already involved with a person and they cheat on them with you, eventually they end up leaving the other person to be with you and then surprise, surprise they cheat on you. You’re angry with that person. Is your anger misplaced? If he or she will cheat on their partner to be with you, what would you make you so special that you believed they wouldn’t cheat on you? I don’t care if they promised you they wouldn’t  what  in their DNA did you have access to that made you believe it would be different with you? Misplaced anger. Aren’t you really angry with yourself for allowing yourself to be with a cheater? And aren’t you just a little disappointed with yourself that you helped him or her cheat with you? You dated a cheater and they continued to cheat on you, what a big surprise!

Example three – a friend tells you other people businesses that he or she was sworn to secrecy not to tell. You subsequently find out the things you’ve told that same person in secret has been told to others and you’re angry with them blaming them for all your private information being revealed. Misplaced? Right. If they will tell you things other people swore them to secrecy why would you trust that your stuff would remain private? Are you not angry with yourself for trusting someone so untrustworthy with your personal deep secrets in the first place? Aren’t you just a little disappointed with yourself for sharing those intimate details with that person when if honest you knew better?

Example four – Your children, who you raised with values, principles, morals, and beliefs subsequently, get in with the wrong crowd and begin to act like total strangers and you’re angry at the friends because you believe they encouraged the bad behavior of your children. Misplaced anger? Right. Why you ask? Because your children have made choices that go against everything you taught him or her, no one put a gun to their head, threatened the lives of their family, or threatened them. Yes the friends were enticing but it is your child who made the choice to go astray. Your disappointment should be focused on your child, and your energies should be on restoration of your relationship with your child and getting help to understand why your child has gone down the very road you discouraged him or her from going down.
Example five – You are dating a married man or woman, of course they have stated their unhappiness in their marriage and you bought into it and have agreed to be involved with him or her in every way. Years go by and he or she has not left their spouse. You are angry, disappointed, frustrated at him or her. Misplaced? Absolutely. Why are you hooked up with a married man or woman in the first place? Aren’t you angry, disappointed, and downright disgusted with yourself for violating the sanctity of the marriage union, regardless of what he or she said about their spouse? Aren’t you really angry that you have been playing the role of a home wrecker?

Example six – You married a man or woman without seeking the approval of God. You married the man or woman with an operator’s manual at your fingertips, the bible, and yet you failed to yield to examples of the right character traits of a spouse and decided you could change that person. Everything about that person went against your best judgment but you hoped, maybe even prayed that it would all work out in the end. But surprise, surprise it doesn’t. You’re angry, disappointed, frustrated because God didn’t bless you mess. Misplaced? Absolutely.

We could look at a hundred other scenarios but I am sure you get the point. Many unhappy things that have happened to each of us have greatly been due to our choices, our lack of values, and our lack of right thinking. We have all sacrificed peace and tranquility for mess and more mess and then we want God to bless our mess. In order to make right choices we must first and foremost be honest with ourselves. If you’re going to be with a screwed up person, don’t get angry when they remain screwed up. Calculate the cost of each decision made. The ultimate question that must be asked and only you can answer is this: “Can you live with that choice for the rest of your life?” Because the truth to your question is what you see is what you get, can you remain happy and at peace with none of the issues changing? If not then don’t get involved with them to begin with and teach these exact same principles to your children.

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